Why is it that the things we fear in relationships or things we don’t want to happen usually do? Have you ever asked yourself why? And how do I keep this from continually happening to me? Is it really that I am cursed or doomed to fail in life?
Self-Sabotage is very common. These behaviors can be completely devastating in relationships, personal life, business, marriage, social settings, and even to our self-esteem. The good news is these behaviors can be changed, although it will require effort on your part.
Compelling research in behavioral science identifies five fundamental needs that must be meet in order for us to succeed in every aspect of our lives. They are as follows:
1. Basic Safety
3. Self Esteem
4. Self Expression
5. Realistic Limits
If any of these five fundamental needs were not meet in your early development you will develop and use a set of coping mechanisms which form negative life patterns that cause self-sabotaging behaviors that ultimately result in doomed relationships.
We all have these self-sabotage behaviors. Some we recognize and some we don’t but we are using them on a subconscious level every day. As a result, we establish a set of core beliefs to cope with the loss of one or more of these fundamental needs. Early on these core beliefs give us understanding of the world around us and serve us well by helping us survive in an abnormal environment. Yet as we mature these core beliefs (I need to make everyone happy, children should be seen not heard, I am not worthy, etc.) become huge obstacles in our lives. Later on we set such rigid standards with these negative patterns that we use self-sabotage behaviors to verify our very own core beliefs. These behaviors can filter down to every aspect and fiber of our being. In doing so we find that the things we don’t want to happen to us seem to happen anyway.
There are 12 specific negative life patterns that virtually cause all self-sabotage behaviors. They are predictable and will be repeated over and over until you break the pattern. By going through an emotional release technique evaluation and treatment we will be able to identify at what age these patterns were first established, the circumstance, the situation, and the emotional conflict surrounding that age. We will be able to tie in the core beliefs that were established to help you survive and you will currently understand how it no longer serves you. You will clearly see feel and hear how you use your coping mechanisms to drive yourself sabotage behaviors. Amazing as it sounds once the pattern is broken and a new pattern is built to replace the old one, your life will literally change. It’s rare to have all twelve but more common to have four or five.
If left alone or not dealt with properly, the brain will be used as a weapon for self-destruction with a lifetime of unhealthy life patterns and misery.
If you look at your life today and picture how it will be five years from now without making any changes what does that picture look like? Now imagine how it will be without these negative life patterns and how exciting will that be?
Negative patterns are triggered by stress, trauma, or interactions that remind us of past trauma.